Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Tuesday, October 28--Mrs. Reynolds goes to Dollywood

It was a fine, spring day, with the birds chirping in the trees with a healthy breeze flowing through the trees. The beautiful weather inspired Mrs. Sallee Reynolds, the principal of a high school, decided to take a well deserved break from all of the delinquents that she had to deal with everyday.  Since it was gorgeous out, she decided to go where everyone goes when the sun is shining; Dollywood.

So of Mrs. Reynolds went, leaving all of er minions, the Mr. Miller and the Mr. Ash, to do her bidding at the school while she went to the amusement park. When she arrived, however, she found out that every other high school in East Tennessee was having a field trip to Dollywood as well. "Oh, the humanity!" she cried, wondering if she'd ever be able to escape nasty teenagers. She stiffened her resolve, thinking, ''They're not my responsibility, I can just ignore them all." And ignore them she did, even to the extent when they had to dive out of her way when she was looking for a parking spot. She found one that, until that moment, had been occupied by three particularly horrible looking teenagers. She stepped out of her car, took a sharpie from her pocket, and made three marks on the door, along side dozens of others. "Three more for today," she said happily as she headed to buy a ticket.

Once she reached the gates, however, she remembered that she had forgotten her gold pass at home, and there was no way she was going to buy a regular ticket. So, she held her breath as she mixed in with a gang of kids from Karns and slipped in behind one of them before the game could close again. Finally, she was free to do whatever she wanted. She started to skip through the park, knocking ice cream cones out of the hands of children and popping their balloons with a special needle that she carried with her for such occasions. At one point, a pair of security guards were turned on her, but she quickly lost them by diving through another group of teens, this one from Farragut. She coughed and hacked once she reached the other side, self-conscious that she now smelled like a bunch of extra money. Wanting to rid herself of the taint, she rode on the train back and forth until she smelled like burnt coal. Now cleaned of Farragut, she decided it was high time that she hit the roller coasters.

Of course, all of the teenagers wanted to ride these as well, so Mrs. Reynolds was forced to wait in long Disney lines. She was not very patient. She used her special needle to poke and prod people to move her way up to the front of the lines. If anyone complained, she told them that she was a high school principal and that she could do whatever she wanted. By then, she was starting to actually enjoy her little vacation, for she could be mean to teenagers and not get fired for it.

But that joy was short lived. Out of the north came the sound of a hurricane, for there was a hurricane a' comin'. The park was plunged into chaos as the tropical storm ripped through carnival land, devouring hundreds of innocent children and all the teenagers who didn't have the balls to ride real roller coasters. Just as the storm hit, Mrs. Reynolds was in line for the Mystery Mine ride. When she saw the storm consuming all of the children, her long-buried conscious resurfaced, saying that it was her sworn duty to protect them. Deciding to do the right thing for once, Mrs. Reynolds sprang into action. She knew that there was only one thing in all of Dollywood that could stop a hurricane a' comin'. The Tennessee Tornado, is, as the name would suggest, the embodiment of a real tornado. It could harness the winds and the rains of this earth to strike down all the enemies of Dolly Parton. Mrs. Reynolds also knew that if one was to ride it fifteen times in a row, the captured tornado would break free, and, serve all who rode it. Luckily, there was no line, for most everyone had abandoned the park by then. She hopped aboard and strapped herself in, telling the terrified attendant to, "Fire 'er up and keep 'er going!"

The Tennessee Tornado went around and around, faster and faster, until Mrs. Reynolds was going at eye-blurring speed. At the fifteenth time around, she fully expected the ride to turn into the powerful storm of legend. But, to her disappointment, it did not, for that was just a stupid story some kid made up. Now stuck on the ride, with the hurricane coming for her, she decided she regretted nothing from her life. Deciding for one last act of heroism, she used her needle to pick the lock on her restraint. Now freed, she dived right into the eye of the swirling hurricane, screaming, "Leeeeeeeerrrrooooooyyy Jeeeeeennnnnkkkiiiiiinnnsss!" Both her and the hurricane dissolved in a flash from the almighty power of Mrs. Reynolds' last words. But it's not a total lost, for like half of Dollywood was still standing.
THE END

*I have nothing against Mrs. Reynolds, Dolly Parton, or anyone from Karns or Farragut. So please don't get me in trouble.*

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