8-14-14 Creative Burst:  Super Gross Fried Seaweed

I was once told that this particular food item tasted something like potato chips. I am fairly certain that I had never been told a bigger lie in all of my life. To put it plainly, tasting some of this food might end your life. Or your heart. Either way, you will not end up in a good shape.
To try and duplicate this taste, one first must go and pick some old, dirty crabgrass on some street corner. Next, go out and buy a cheap cooking pot. I say cheap because you will never want to use it again. Take a trip to the ocean, and if that is too far the nearest body of salt water will do. Simply fill the pot with the water and throw in the grass that you found earlier. Boil it up so the grass becomes really soggy and starts to look like real seaweed. Once this has happened, put a bunch of extra salt into the mixture, and let it boil a little more. Then remove your essence of nastiness (which is the very salty and soggy grass for those who have not been following along) and put it in the oven and cook it until it is hard and chip-like. Oh the irony. Remove the cooked grass from the over, and, for good measure, sprinkle more salt on top of it. Now, your oh so delicious treat is ready to be consumed at your own risk. If you really want to try it, I suggest that you scrape off all of your taste buds beforehand. For those hardcore folks out there, at least have about three bottles of water to keep you hydrated and quell the horrible, horrible salty taste from your mouth.
If you dare to try this stuff without either shaving off all of your taste buds and doing it without at least a gallon of water, you will get the sensation that you are crunching on a solid cube of salt that happens to taste like horribly overcooked asparagus. If the massive amount of salt doesn't kill you first, your gag reflex will. If you survive the encounter, I strongly suggest that you burn all crabgrass that you ever find and spread the word of this delightful treat so no poor, unsuspecting victim ever has to experience the same fate that you did.

This stuff was made by Satan to destroy the human race.