Wednesday, August 20-Alter Ego

There is a name that all parents and children should come to fear, one that every household knows. If you ever had a childhood, or, in the unfortunate case that you did not, have a younger sibling, then you also know this name very well. He disguises himself as a friendly, child loving character on a kids TV channel. I don't actually know which one it is, and if you do, your life may be in danger, for this cunning character has a much darker motive than teaching kids manners. The purple and green dinosaur, Barney, really has no desire to teach little boys and girls to be nice to their parents and all that other junk. No, he wants to eat them.
Lets be honest here. This is a real, live, though oddly colored, Tyrannosaurs Rex, and everyone knows that they were the king of the dinosaurs. And he is a real monster, because if he is just a grown man in a costume then that would be even more disturbing.

Let me put it this way. We throw a handful of kids on stage with this carnivore, and to disguise his real motives he teaches them how to be polite and such. But it doesn't really matter for these handfuls of unfortunate kids. What do you think the studio producers pay Barney with? The kids that he was just teaching, of course! After every episode he feasts on the bones of children that are now able to sit up straight when they are at the dinner table. And in this case, that table is Barney's. Think about it, where else have you ever seen one of those Barney kids? No where! Why? Because each time they are sacrificed and consumed by the mighty thunder lizard! We, as a society, have subconsciously allowed a few children to be sacrificed every week for the sake of our own kids to learn some manners! Is it worth it? Are we any less monsters to allow this to happen?

What can we do about this, you may ask? Or  not, you know, unless you think little kids being devoured is funny. We must all gather our torches and pitchforks and run the monster out of this country, at the very least! This evil creature will never end his crusade for little kid nuggets, and we as a nation must do everything in our power to stop him. Death to Barney, for the lives of children everywhere!